Today has been a good day. I have the first four pages of Chapter Two of Book Two done! It's so exciting to see where the story is leading me. More to report on that later!
On Friday I promised that I would post some of the material that I had to cut/edit/change from The Unseen...and I'm here to make good on that promise!
I haven't read this in years! It almost feels like someone else wrote it, it really is the strangest feeling. Looking back, I fought hard for these early pages. They meant everything to me, I hadn't written since a creative writing class my senior year of college. While I believe that I did the right thing in making the edits, these pages made me get goosebumps and laugh out loud as I read them.
You'll see proto-Maeve and proto-Colman. You'll also see a number of characters that I had to cut, some of whom were actually going to figure fairly prominently in the novel. So this feels really good to let them see the light of day!
I could yammer on (and I will in the future!) but for now, I'm proud to present, for the first time, the original opening of The Unseen!
There are a lot pages here and over time, I'll put out more if people would like me to!
Deep breath...
Here goes!
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He stared wistfully out of the window.
It was the last period, of the last day of class before summer break. He had been waiting for this day all year long, but now that it was here, it was dragging on for what felt like an eternity. Although he had just sworn that he wouldn’t look at the clock again, he couldn’t stop himself. He glanced at it out of the corner of his eye and immediately regretted it. Only a minute and a half had passed since he had last looked, the seconds clanging loudly in the restless classroom. He sighed heavily and shifted in his seat. He was so close to freedom after a very long and difficult year.
“Something to share with the class Mr. Williams?” Mr. Goldman asked.
He didn’t hear him. His mind was out the window, flying up the coast to the camp. The endless mountains, an ice blue lake, the green hum of summer. He couldn’t wait for the freedom, the quiet, for people to stop looking concernedly at him and asking questions. But most of all he couldn’t wait to see her. Her long jet black hair, the flash of her white teeth when she smiled, her…”
“Colman!” Lenny sharply hissed at him
He snapped out of his reverie to find Mr. Goldman looming over him.
“I said, anything you would like to share with the class Mr. Williams?” he said, cocking his head with feigned interest.
“Uhh, no! Um, sorry sir. I was just um…” He fumbled, completely at a loss for words.
“Just what Mr. Williams? Am I boring you?” Mr. Goldman pressed, dramatically emphasizing each word.
“No sir. Uh, sorry sir,” he said. He felt his face getting red and hot. He looked around the room; everyone had turned in their seats and were sniggering quietly. Awesome, he thought. . Time to brace for impact.
Mr. Goldman stared at him for another uncomfortably long moment, before sweeping down the aisle to the head of the classroom. “You should all stop laughing now.” The class quieted. Mr. Goldman was not one to be messed with. “Although Colman sighs louder and more obviously than the rest of you,” He glanced over at Colman disapprovingly and he felt another surge of heat pulse through his face, “I know that most of you are not paying attention,” he said as he paced along the front. “Now, I’m sorry that I’m not like many of my other colleagues who are showing movies today because your soul-crushing lack of focus has sucked the very fiber of their being away. One day you will look back at this and realize how good you have it. Your only job,” he said sweeping his arm across the room, “ in the entire world is to learn.” He stared around the room for effect. “But, instead, you would rather text each other in an apocalyptically rudimentary version of something we once knew as the English language. You are here to learn and it is my job to teach you, so please open your books to page 125.”
He felt awful. Mr. Goldman was one of his favorite teachers. He was tough, with a flair for the dramatic, but fair and he had learned a lot from him this year.
“That’s gonna leave a mark.” He heard Lenny whisper to the back of his head.
He turned his head slightly, brought his hand to his mouth and coughed “Shut up.”
“Hey, I’m just saying. He was swinging for the fence there, and your face was in the strike zone.” Lenny quietly whispered back, with a smile in his voice.
There was a knock at the door. Mr. Goldman strode to open it, and the entire antsy classroom craned their necks to see who it was, dying for any excitement.
As his back was turned, one of Colman’s least favorite people, Adam McFoster, swiveled around in his chair. “Way to screw it up for all of us, jackass.”
“Hey Adam?” Lenny said without any hesitation, “When are you going to start pulling the hairs out of that mole on your cheek? If you wait much longer, you can probably start using them to sense vibrations in the air around you.” There was a chorus of nervous giggles.
“Shut up geek.” Adam replied hotly.
“Hey, I’m just trying to help you out. Those thick, ugly whiskers will help when you end up inevitably hunting women with a club, like your Neanderthal comical forefathers once did.” Lenny retorted, cheerfully.
Adam flipped them off and turned around.
“Thanks Lenny,” he whispered over his shoulder, “but you didn’t need to do that, I could have handled it.” Colman said quietly.
“Dude, I love you like a brother so I’m not trying to be a jerk when I tell you this, but you are terrible at comebacks. Always have been.” Lenny replied.
“Thanks Len,” Colman said, shaking his head. “tell me how you really feel why don’t’ you?”
Mr. Goldman turned back to the class. “Mr. Williams,” he said, a slightly puzzled look on his face, “you are being requested in the principal’s office. Gather your things and make your way there now please.”
Instantly the class was a twitter with loud “oooohs” and mocking speculation.
Colman felt his skin enter into another, more deeply magenta shade of red. He turned to Lenny who shrugged helplessly back. Why was he being called in? He hadn’t done anything except sigh loudly five minutes ago.
Adam turned and laughed, “Sucks for you nerd.”
Colman picked up his books and thrust them into his bag. When he stood up he felt the deep throb in his leg that he had grown accustomed to in over the last few months. He paused for a moment. The last thing he needed was for his leg to buckle on him now, and add to the humiliation of the previous five minutes of his life. As he passed by Adam, he heard Lenny say, “You’re kidding right? Is that that the best you’ve got, ‘sucks for you?’ Wait, did you learn that from the seven year old that was kicking your ass at Call of Duty and screaming obscenities at you online last night? I weep for my generation.” he trailed off shaking his head, to no one in particular.
Colman couldn’t help but smile as he made his way to the front of the classroom. Mr. Goldman opened the door for him, and as passed by him, he paused and looked up. “Listen Mr. G, I’m sorry for drifting off back there..”
Mr. Goldman nodded and leaned out into the hallway, “I know you are Colman. I’ll see you in the fall. Take care of yourself this summer, alright?”
“I will sir. Thank you.” Mr. Goldman gave him a quick wink, and shut the classroom door.
It was a quick walk to Mr. Rodriguez’s office. He wracked his brain trying to figure out why he was being called in. Did something happen at home? He quickly decided that no, that probably wasn’t it. The Mr. G would have looked freaked out if it was something like that. Besides, the last few months had been pretty smooth. Mom was doing better, and he was back in school full time. He just had had a lot of catching up on work to do after the accident. He kept filing through possibilities in mind, and then suddenly, the answer was obvious.
Maeve.
His little sister Maeve was in seventh grade and had something of an anti-authoritarian streak in her. She was brilliant but was always getting in trouble for one reason or the other. He hurried down the hall and entered the main office.
“Hello Colman!” Mrs. Mitchell, the office manager, said brightly. “Go ahead on in honey.” She waved him through to Mr. Rodriguez ‘s office. As he walked in he saw Maeve sitting alone, swinging her feet in the chair, and looking innocent.
Her face quickly registered surprise before she regained her composure. “Hello brother! Good day?” She was smiling sweetly but he saw the slightly unhinged grin behind it.
“What’s going on? He said slowly. “Is everything ok?” Colman asked as he sat down next to her.
“Everything is fine. Just a tiny misunderstanding in class.” She said primly.
“With who? The teacher?” Colman pressed.
“Heavens no.” She laughed as she looked at Colman. “Just a few of my fellow classmates.” As she said it she quickly started signing to him as well. “Follow my lead. Those idiots had it coming.”
“What, who?” He said back
Mr. Rodriguez walked out from his inner office to the waiting area. “Colman good, thanks for walking down. Would you two please step into my office?”
“Of course Principal Rodriguez!” Maeve said cheerily as they walked in.
They sat down in two chairs facing his desk. He said looked at them appraisingly, “Can you please tell me what happened Maeve?”
“With my classmates?” she said, with surprise in her voice. “ I think they mistook something that I was saying and were somehow offended by it sir.” Maeve said, pushing up her ever sagging glasses.
“Cut the act Maeve.” He hefted a large manila folder and thunked it down on the desk. “This is your file, just from this year. Tell me, were you speaking Klingon again?”
“Klingon? What’s that?” she looked at Coleman innocently. “Ohhh I know, they’re on that star show right?” Maeve said batting her eyelashes.
Mr. Rodriguez shook his head and reached into the file. He pulled out a piece of paper and began to read, “Maeve is doing extremely well in Math this semester. She participates, seems to enjoy class but mentally is somewhat unfocused. She often is distant from many of her classmates; this coupled with the fact that Maeve is significantly more advanced than most of the class leads to social issues. The other students take notice of Maeve and her eccentricities. Not only does this not bother Maeve, she thrives off of what she deems to be some sort of competition. Having done some minimal research, it seems that your daughter often responds to taunts in either a dialect of Elven or Klingon. Most recently, I believe she said Hab SoSlI' Quch' to a classmate, which I believe translates loosely 'Your mother has a smooth forehead'. As I said last semester, she continues to concern me."
“Maeve,” he repeated eyeing her like a hawk, “did you start talking in Klingon again?”
She couldn’t contain herself any longer. “They were making fun of Patricia!” she blurted almost jumping out of her seat. “They were asking her why she was so slow and what the short bus was, and all that jazz!” She looked at her brother before continuing, “I wasn’t going to actually do anything! I mean I didn’t even have the right…” she paused, stepping carefully, “tools to truly challenge them to a duel!”
“You challenged your classmates to a duel?” Mr. Rodriguez said as he raised an eyebrow.
“I mean what was I supposed to do? The teacher didn’t notice and I wasn’t just going to sit there and let them make fun of her!” She protested.
Mr. Rodriguez looked at both of them before saying. “Maeve you and I both know that last time you sat here, we talked about the fact that if there was one more instance where you and I had to talk, we would be looking at suspension, right?”
She nodded tightly.
“Now,” he continued, “since it’s the last period before summer begins, I’m going to cut you guys a break ok? I know that your family has had a tough year, with the accident and all,” he said looking emphatically at Coleman.
Maeve’s eyes flashed dangerously, but Colman kicked her chair.
“I asked your brother to come down here so I won’t call your parents, but you both have to promise me that you tell your mother and father about this, ok?”
They both nodded obediently. Mr. Rodriguez continued, “Maeve, you have got to stop this type of behavior. It is unacceptable to challenge students to duels because you are upset with them. You’re smart enough to find different avenues to resolve your differences.”
“It’s not my intelligence that I’m worried about,” she muttered.
“That’s another example right there young lady. You have to find a way to take the chip off your shoulder Maeve.” He leaned back in his chair, exasperated. “Colman, what do you think?”
He looked at his sister and said, “I know her heart is in the right place, but it’s been a long year for our family. Everyone’s been on edge you know? We just need some time away. We’re heading up to my great aunt’s camp in Washington state tomorrow night for the summer,” He looked at Maeve, “and I really think it will help us both relax a little.” She bobbed her head up and down in agreement.
Satisfied with the answer, he clapped his hands and stood up. “Good, get some rest over the summer.” He looked down at both of them, before “You two are some of the brightest kids I have ever met.” He then looked directly at Maeve, “I really hope you end up using that power for good. Am I clear?”
They both nodded and stood up. “Thank you Mr. Rodriguez.” Maeve said. “I’m sure this summer will help me unwind a little.”
“Alright, please shut the door on your way out. Take care of yourselves.”
They both nodded at him. “Thanks and have a good summer.” Colman added with a sheepish smile as they walked out of the office. As soon as they were alone in the hall Maeve said, “I’m going to end those noobs.”
Colman just shook his head. “I’ll meet you out front in a few minutes so we can walk home. Don’t start an armed insurrection before then, ok?”
Maeve nodded as she walked back to class, “Of course not,” she replied and spun around with a gleam in her eye. “I haven’t even had the time to raise the militia.”