"I envy you the journey."
These were the words that my mother said to me in the days before I left for college. I've always thought about why she said that. Obviously, she was proud of me, sad that I was leaving, happy about where my adventure might go, and nervous for her baby boy but there was something else mixed in there, something much deeper.
My mother grew up segregated in the south, and while it's not my story to tell, it's important to note that the opportunities afforded to me, were only there because my parents fought tooth and nail to make it my normal. My older sister and my mother are the family historians and you don't have to go very far back to find amazing men and women who were quite literally, someone else's property.
I bristle when someone tells me I cannot do something. I've always thought this was because my parents raised us to be highly independent but looking back, I think I have some kind of generational chip on my shoulder as well. My family, my blood, were told what they could and couldn't do. In almost every aspect of their lives, they didn't have the choices that most of us take for granted today. So when my mother offered me those words, she was also telling me that it was my responsibility to enjoy the myriad choices that I would have as I got older. She didn't tell me to go to college so I could find a career, she wanted her only son to enjoy the journey of realizing who he was in the world.
I do this for myself but I also do it for her. My mother is selfless, she has time and again put almost everyone else in front of her own needs. So when I make a decision in my life, one of my first quiet questions to myself is, am I following that advice? What would my mother think? What would my great-great-great-great grandparents think? Am I doing right by them? I'm always aware that I get to have the options I do, to have a great job, a wonderful family, the space to let my creatitivty out because of my mother's bravery. Her strength, her wisdom, her fire, her humanity shapes me every day.
I love you mom.
Have a good night friends.